[00:01.73] There's nothing I love more in life
[00:03.49] Than a scalding hot shower
[00:05.54] It's the symbol of human dignity
[00:07.31] That separates us from the chimps
[00:09.03] Helps you scrub off the sleep and scrub on the day
[00:11.04] Or scrub off the day, and scrub on the sleep
[00:12.89] Don't know if you're morning or night shower people
[00:14.87] Whatever floats your boat
[00:16.66] But where are your toddlers gonna float their boats
[00:18.09] If all you have is cold HO?
[00:20.13] That's two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen
[00:21.98] And zero parts justice
[00:24.07] Now I know you're thinking
[00:25.16] "What are you talking about?
[00:26.04] Go away, this is private property"
[00:27.85] Well, before we leave, ladies and gents
[00:29.54] Allow me to set the scene: ima
[00:32.20] Yeah, I don't live here
[00:33.07] Oh
[00:33.97] Imagine your kids
[00:35.81] Taking a shower before they go to school
[00:38.28] They douse their skin with ice cold water
[00:40.35] A huge shock to their little systems
[00:42.01] At first it's downright unpleasant, but then
[00:44.14] It gets them wired in a way they've never felt
[00:45.91] And they think to themselves: "That shower felt great, Maybe I'll try cocaine"
[00:49.58] So your son's on coke, your daughter's pregnant
[00:51.29] And your husband's probably having an affair, apocalypse
[00:54.40] Just like the movie I Am Legend
[00:56.09] But not like that at all
[00:57.52] No hot water
[00:59.24] Which means cold showers
[01:01.59] Next thing you know, your kids will be on crack
[01:04.85] No hot water
[01:06.65] Which means cold showers
[01:08.61] Which everyone knows is the gateway drug to crack
[01:11.40] Crack, crack, crack
[01:12.82] Crack, crack, crack, crack
[01:14.68] Now, it's not just about the hot water, folks
[01:16.15] Crack, crack, crack, crack
[01:16.43] If this landlord isn't taking one measly hour
[01:18.91] Out of his day to fix your showers
[01:21.02] Then what's this scumbag doing with all your hard earned cash?
[01:24.09] He's taking it and blowing it
[01:25.17] Crack, crack, crack, crack
[01:25.65] In a hand of Pai Gow at the Indian casino
[01:27.45] (gasp) Crack, crack, crack
[01:27.91] He's fat-catting it at fancy restaurants like The Olive Garden
[01:31.45] (gasp) Crack, crack, crack, crack
[01:33.11] And Red Lobster
[01:34.29] (Big Gasp) oh!
[01:35.37] Gasp is right
[01:36.28] That's gasp with an uppercase G
[01:37.65] That ends with a P the first letter in pool
[01:40.48] No hot water
[01:41.82] No hot water
[01:42.46] Which means cold showers
[01:44.56] Next thing you know Your kids will be on crack
[01:47.11] This makes sense
[01:48.05] No hot water
[01:49.85] Means cold, cold showers
[01:52.13] And cold showers are the gateway drug
[01:55.78] To crack
[01:58.34] Cold water is drugs
[01:59.60] Yeah!
[02:00.12]